“I have been humbled many times in my life. Never really grasping or comprehending why what was happening to me was indeed happening. I know I am blessed, for life has always unfolded in front of me; until now that is, I cannot seem to get going. All before me crumble like moist sand hanging onto the innards of my fingers. I see the remnants of what I try to grasp but what is there dissipates. I see now where I am not, I have failed to keep still and sit within myself, rather I have been a rabid dog of late, craving attention through barking, in my calamity. It is burdensome to witness the pain I have inflicted upon others and myself — those I have hurt have been burdened the most. I have been humbled many times in my life…”

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“These are ghosts I have left behind. My past lingering as they demand acknowledgment. How I war to integrate them to who I am becoming, unable to ignore what has past. You see it is only when I reconcile that which I have been that I am able to be who I am. So I survive within myself, for judgement has no jury. Living in the renewed, not as a survivor; for who I am continues to unfold as it thrives in compassion of itself. As for my ghosts, they will continually ask questions of me, my response is how I become aware of what I have now become…”

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“I go crazy sometimes, seeing that which only a madman sees. Trauma from the past reenacted in my mind; manifesting into all reality as I beg and as I plead ‘oh not again’. This that runs deep in me, screeching in despair as I gasp to catch breath. What little fight I have subsides as it surrenders to itself. Folded in two, I retreat, returning to my madness, I shut the door to fear and pray beside hope…”

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“…when people deceive us; when they are not completely truthful. It is not about you — I know it hurts but always remember that their behavior is about them, the way that they have been conditioned and how they relate to others. If you are feeling deceived by someone then look within. How is it affecting you, what is it bringing up within you… don’t take it personally, it is not about you, but about them”. NC -2020

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“I become defensive when I feel that I’m unlovable. My festering wounds lurk like a predator on the murky water’s surface as my heart reposes tentatively by the watering hole of doubt. Descending into the abyss, I struggle with objective reality and self-worth. The darkening before the dawning a fearful place to be, a place I often lose my mind, of blinding, of ghouls and of demons, of self-hate, and resentment, of pleadings and of death…”

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“…so I ran; I ran as far away from everyone and everything as I could; retreating as my blindness brought upon itself its own darkness…gasping for last breath, there was no air, just stale sour bile and the psychological entrails of long-dead beasts, rotting inside the cracks of an open heart beating its last desperate breath. I was dead, yet, my mind thought otherwise…”

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What are we killing for

One foot out the other in

a proverbial ever spinning door

of life an eternal seeking quest

knocking on the pearly gates prone at his feet

forget we lest

All polluted out

victim of those we fear

These others we choose to doubt

freshly seeded from hate

Pray no more

for them to flourish or even sprout

never is never too late

denizens of incorrigible disbelief

impervious to outcomes

numbed to the determinism of fate

Not a day has been promised

yet still one hopes

that ours there in Heaven

Can bless and smile upon us

as they in stillness

watch over us

while they contemplate

while they wait

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Light a torch to the darkness
where the ghosts and the monsters
whisper behind the nights’ curtain

The subconscious self
nudging forward on its path towards liberty
intoxicated to undertake its new
in impetus, it propels

The spirit of life
treading where failure lurks
where ridicule anticipates
success ransomed

Still, the emblazoned self
burning with sacred direction
Fires the soul to pursue
creation
in death
is where
I and I
Renew

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Within the spirit lie fragments of a dream

Unfolding within itself

Shaping to the will of life

Defiant as it is seduced by the titillation of all possible

Thinking thoughts while it burns in the eternal fires

Decimating all it renews

The well so deep

Still as it is dark

Shrouded

In the mystical of truth

Life bestows as it lives

Surrendering all to death

In a bid to know itself

Eternally seeking that which is already known

How burdened those with nowhere to go

Lower thine mind surrender thine will

There is simplicity to no thought

A depth to its expression

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Wayne Anthony Ramsay

Wayne Anthony Ramsay

Spiritual Poetry, Healing Poetry, Writer, A Curious Fool…Jamaican…Indian…British, a child of the old empire…seeking nothingness